Before Ayahuasca, I had not come to terms with my sexual trauma - I blocked and suppressed almost all of my memories from that time, but deep down, I knew what had happened to me. As most of us do, I went on with my life, ignoring the truth, scared, carrying shame, and deep emotional pain that manifested into physical pain years later.

I suppressed physical, emotional, and mental pain for about 20 years. And I only made things worse by trying to numb the pain and seek control, which developed into an eating disorder at a very young age, then partying and drinking heavily in my early 20s, and constantly running away from my feelings.

It wasn't until my very first Ayahuasca retreat that Mama Aya led me through the portals of my past and forced me to look at my trauma. Ayahuasca created an intense but powerfully loving space to give my body the opportunity to physically release through an intense purge of crying, shaking, and vomiting. It was one of the most challenging yet rewarding ceremonies I have ever experienced with her.

Fast forward to years later, and my love and gratitude for Ayahuasca grew, I started apprenticing and assisting in Ayahuasca ceremonies while still trying to integrate and heal this trauma release I had in my first ceremony. During this time, I was in the most difficult stage of my healing process with my sexual trauma. Although there was a lot of healing that occurred in my first ceremony and several after, there was a clear understanding that there was lots more work to be done.

Unlocking Healing: My Journey with Ayahuasca and Taking Responsibility for My Own Healing

I had been thoroughly working with Ayahuasca and my teacher to heal this trauma, but instead of healing from it, it started consuming my mind obsessively. It was all I could think about, which I didn't realize at the time, was only feeding into my suffering. Ceremony after ceremony, I kept facing my trauma, getting stuck in loops, and feeling excruciating pain move throughout the lower part of my body (lower back, hips, pelvis, and all the way down to my feet). I remember being in tears, pleading for the pain to stop, and didn’t understand why this kept happening in my ceremonies.

I was becoming VERY afraid of Ayahuasca and felt betrayal and frustration toward her. During my journey, my teacher came up to me and, in a stern voice, said, “Natalhie, you HAVE TO MOVE. You have to help your body move through the trauma.” Then I heard Ayahuasca speak to me and say, “ I can't keep helping you heal this trauma - when are you going to start taking responsibility for your own healing?” as the pain kept intensifying, I found myself in the most traumatic loop I've been in.

Embracing Somatic Healing and Navigating Trauma

That night, my trauma took center stage in my ceremony in a way I’d never felt before. I was reliving my trauma through my body - no visuals, no messages, just the experience of feeling my pain stored in my body. My inner child was activated, and she felt alone, terrified, angry, and confused. I felt like Mama Aya was giving up on me. The next day, my teacher explained to me that I was storing deep trauma in my body and I had to look into doing somatic work. I had no idea what somatics was or what it meant to incorporate this into my integration. Unfortunately, when I was ready to figure this out and work through my trauma with somatics, my teacher was no longer teaching, so I was left to do this work on my own. Neither my teacher nor Ayahuasca was going to save me.

I grew resentful towards my teacher and Ayahuasca, so much so that I decided I didn't want to be a part of ceremony anymore. I ran away for a bit, and I ended up taking a 2-year break from drinking Ayahuasca. During this break, I dove into my own healing, research and learned that somatic work / therapy “centers around the mind-body connection. The term “somatic” means “relating to the body.” Using special techniques, somatics helps you release any pent-up trauma that has become “trapped” in your body”.

The Wisdom of the Body Beyond Ayahuasca Ceremonies

It finally clicked for me when I started paying attention to my body and its needs. The wisdom of the body is truly powerful. Your body knows exactly what you need—you just need to slow down and listen to it more. I started to walk more, stretch more, especially in my hips, shake, and do breathing exercises.

I started opening myself back up to the medicine and connected with my dear mentor, Kat Courtney. Kat guided me to understand how trauma can manifest in our bodies and in ceremony and encouraged me to keep moving my body.

I realized I kept showing up to previous ceremonies without doing the work outside of ceremony. I was not integrating my ceremonies, and all Aya wanted me to do was understand she was not there to heal this pain; she was there to shine a light on the pain and where it was stored in my body. She guided me to the wisdom of my body. Once I finally accepted that I needed to take action to heal my body myself and learn to embody the messages and healing received in ceremony, I finally began to feel better and let go of obsessive thoughts about my trauma.

I felt more connected to my body than I have ever in my entire life, and the part of me that was suffering from sexual trauma was gently and ever so beautifully freeing herself from this pain.

Empowerment Through Somatics and Owning Your Healing Journey

I share my story with those who might be at the beginning of the healing journeys or perhaps who have been through sexual trauma, too. There is power in our pain, and I urge each and every one of you to integrate your ceremonies and look into somatic work. There is only so much thinking or mental and emotional clearing that we can do, but if we ignore the trauma in our physical body, our trauma is only going to continue to live there.

We are worthy of healing deep emotional pain, betrayal, and hurt. But we must take responsibility for our own healing. I’ve learned so much through my journey and want to share what it means and looks like to take responsibility for your healing. Here are a few ways I’ve learned to heal my body through somatics, and I hope it helps guide you to do this work.

Several Ways to Heal Your Body Somatically:

Connect with a somatic therapist
EMDR therapy
Walk outside in nature
Breathwork
Acupuncture
Shake your body
Dance
Stretch, exercise, yoga, etc.
Work with a holistic chiropractor
Honor and thank your body
Listen to your body more
Cold plunge / cold exposure therapy
Master Plant Dieta with a Master Plant that aids in healing the body. For me, it was working with Damiana. If you’re interested in working with Damiana or a plant ally that can support you, I highly recommend working with one of our guides and checking out Anima Mundi for all your herb and plant needs. You can use our code PLANTMEDICINE for 15% off at check out:)

Finding these tools has been the greatest gift I could have ever given to myself, and I can't thank Ayahuasca for her tough love. If she hadn't given me the space to heal on my own, I know I wouldn't have taken matters into my own hands.

I encourage you to give a few or all a try - discover what feels good in your skin, your body, and heart. It will show up differently for everyone, but will set you free when you allow the wisdom of your body to lead the way.

Gratitude for Ayahuasca and The Body’s Teachings

I'm grateful to have Ayahuasca as a teacher and incredibly humbled by this experience. I carry my heart with so much love and appreciation for this work and am honored to hold sacred and safe containers for those who might need this support.

If you are exploring the world of somatics or want to understand the wisdom of your body, please feel free to connect and reach out to me. It would be an honor to guide your body to either prepare for your next Plant Medicine journey or integrate any pain you are moving through with love, compassion, and empowerment.

About the Author

Natalhie Ruiz is an integration coach and plant medicine guide born in Denver, Colorado, and of Peruvian indigenous descent. Her ancestry carries a lineage of curanderas from the Wari/Quechua people of the Peruvian Andes. Her work for us at the Plant Medicine People is managing all marketing and content creation. She has a strong background and personal experience with sacred plant medicines. Her knowledge and expertise in plant medicine have grown over the last 5 years, and she has had the privilege to have studied under the Cocamilla lineage. She has a deep relationship with Grandmother Ayahuasca, Rapéh/Mapacho, and Psilocybin. She has sat in isolated and dieta sauves with Cacao, Bobinsana, Ajo Sacha, and Damiana and has experience with other Medicines like San Pedro and Kambo. She is looking forward to continuing her journey of learning and communing with other master plants. She is a dedicated advocate of plant medicine and protecting indigenous culture and traditions.

Somatic Psychedelic Integration: The Wisdom of the Body