Integrating a Traumatic or Disappointing Ayahuasca Experience
For all those who have experienced a deeply difficult or traumatic Ayahuasca experience, this article is written with you in mind/heart….
The Media hype in recent years has set plant medicine newcomers up for various dissatisfactions and letdowns. Social media, scientific studies, and renowned authors have published one miracle story after another recounting how plant medicines such as psilocybin and other psychotropic plant brews such as Ayahuasca can heal and cure just about any physical and psychological ailment. There are even retreats that brag about “miracle rates,” erroneously spreading the viewpoint that psychedelics are cures. I’ve been leading ceremonies using these medicines for almost two decades now, and yes, I can validate many of these dramatic and beautiful anecdotes. Within reason. But I also assert it is each participant’s responsibility to listen to our intuition and be circumspect. Anything that has the power to clear PTSD can also create PTSD. This is just the reality of our complex multiverse.
The Importance of Preparation, Research and Accountability
I’m extremely vocal about the importance of being picky about who we sit with in ceremony. Some self-professed “shamans” drank the medicine a handful of times and now view themselves as capable of guiding others. They’re not always capable. No amount of good intentions can make up for lack of experience and training. While Ayahuasca can guide participants through addiction, suicidal thoughts, and mental illness, she can only do so by partnering with a trained facilitator who knows how to lead someone through the darkest corners of consciousness. If your integritous goal is to release that which ails you, then it is your responsibility to sit with someone who has done the same work on themselves. There are no shortcuts.
Having led and participated in hundreds of ceremonial circles, I’ve heard a shockingly large number of tales from folks who feel more traumatized since drinking Ayahuasca. This is not the fault of the medicine. The accountability lies in the humans who created the brew and led the ceremonies, as well as those who chose to work with her. It is a considerable responsibility to organize, host, and facilitate ceremonies. Unfortunately, many aren’t up for the challenge and dismiss the necessity to hold this liability. This often results in poor outcomes, shouldered by the unsuspecting souls who sit with novice practitioners.
So You Drank Ayahuasca & You Didn’t Achieve “Instant Healing .” What Now?
You have committed to truly seeking healing and clarity, and instead, you feel more traumatized and/or confused. Here’s some advice on how to move through that headspace and get the light and expansion you deserve.
First: Reclaim Yourself and Your Sovereignty
You may have sat with someone who overrepresented their abilities. You may have sat with someone irresponsible who may have poured a brew other than pure Ayahuasca. Or maybe you mistakenly heard it was safe to drink solo.
Many of us are genuinely trusting and unaware that it is essential to research a medicine circle. I have prepared a checklist of recommended questions to ask your Ayahuasca group long before you choose to sit with them. This is intense and serious work. You are about to trust your spiritual and physical vulnerability to someone, so be alert to how transparent and willing they are to answer your inquiries.
Just as you wouldn’t choose a doctor by dice roll, you shouldn’t select a shaman that same way. We own the responsibility of making sure we are choosing wisely. Protect yourself at all costs.
Second: Understand What Happened
Once you’ve reclaimed accountability, get to the bottom of what you’re reacting to. You’ve addressed and moved past the choices that brought on external circumstances. You’ve stopped blaming external people and situations. Now it’s time to reflect on what lessons can be gleaned from your soul manifesting a traumatic experience.
Ayahuasca can be a hellish journey. The medicine knows that to heal, we must face our demons to grow into empowered and confident beings. She will push us to our edges out of love.
Don’t forget the power of gratitude for the experience, no matter how hard it was. Thank the universe for the experience and the lessons you’ve learned. This includes lessons on research and preparation, lessons on disingenuous shamans who abuse their power and organizers who dismiss the importance of their roles. To move through that space, practice healthy integration and acceptance. If you keep resisting and judging, you will swirl in that space for a long time. Integration is the crucial step here.
Our souls are designed to grow and learn! It is irrelevant if a situation and its lessons are easy or difficult; our souls are continuously expanding. The more we fight the expansion or the more we demand bliss and enlightenment, we sign on for more darkness. Change the preposition; this happened “for” you, not “to” you. This is simply the process of expansion and contraction, and everything in the entire multiverse follows this trajectory. The individual reasons your soul created this drama can then begin to manifest clearly when there is trust. Gratitude is a mighty force.
Third: Practice Unwavering Self-Care
Whenever I do something out of self-care, my mantra is to take a quick second to solidify the intention that this is “To me, from me, with love.” Of course, we can’t simply will our way into health, groundedness and peace. But, by practicing small, impactful steps, we can make traction toward success. Making self-care a priority in the process will make or break our recovery from any traumatic event.
Self-care is my focus when Aya throws me curveballs. As I’m integrating, I take care of my body, mind, emotional self, inner child, ego – you name it, she gets pampered. Time in nature, lots of fluids, one on ones with trusted souls, clean food, bubble baths – they sound so simple, but the simplicity is what makes them magical healing potions. Placing our attention on self-care instead of obsessing over the trauma is the most effective means of integrating and healing available to bring us the clarity we need and deserve.
I’m not recommending these things to put even more overwhelming tasks on your plate; I recommend these to alleviate stress and provide a foundation for balance. The goal is to give more intention to the things you already do.
Here’s an example: You know the importance of staying hydrated. Suppose you do this mindlessly all day long. In that case, that’s undoubtedly beneficial, but think of the peace and calm you might generate if you set a few moments to take a deep breath, and thank Mother Nature for the clean and fresh water in your cup. Setting this deeper intention when you drink water can actually amplify the positive effects when you take that moment to express gratitude and a small amount of reflection. That small extra step makes each self-care action volumes more effective and powerful.
Love, and do it consciously. Make yourself the priority, heal and integrate intense experiences, and express appreciation for the people in your life. You will find that self-care is the answer to just about everything that ails us.
Fourth: Build Your Team
Deciphering your Ayahuasca visions is like trying to be subjective about your artistic creations – it’s damn difficult to edit your own work. And it’s nearly impossible for your mind to understand its most mysterious corners.
If you feel you are still recovering from a traumatic ceremony, seek the assistance of another shaman or integration specialist to put you back together. Find an experienced and spiritually impeccable curandero to bring your back to wholeness if your first experience happened with someone you know had serious integrity issues and a lack of knowledge about creating a safe space.
A Common Question: Should You Drink Ayahuasca Alone?
Seeking the counsel of a therapist or coach specializing in the subconscious’s language can be priceless in flipping a traumatic experience into a blessing. They can often see what you cannot do alone and give the experience context and language that connects the dots.
In the work I do as a shamanic coach, it is so gratifying to watch clients come through the maze of their minds with connectedness and joy. Over the years, many more folks like me have stepped up to help participants outside of ceremony to practice integration, and this is the most crucial part of the process. Yet, until recently, it’s been the most ignored element.
If you’re lost or feeling stuck, find an Ayahuasca coach or psychedelics expert and let them guide you through it. I also worked with a Jungian therapist to help me make sense of what my subconscious reveals; he has never drank the medicine, but he has been vital in helping me understand what my mind and soul are trying to communicate. Don’t endure the culture of shame around requesting help. Becoming more conscious is an intense journey. We all need and deserve support, and humanity thrives more in tribal communion than in stubborn solitude.
Whatever you are going through, know that you are not alone. If you’re feeling worse off after an Ayahuasca ceremony, don’t resist the gift of support. This medicine wants to heal and expand you, not harm you. Speed bumps are expected from one of the most potent substances on the planet, but you don’t have to suffer alone. In fact, you don’t have to suffer at all. You will come through this stronger and wiser than ever; all you need is the motivation and assistance to move the energy and get to the other side.
Do you need help getting peace in the aftermath of a ceremony? I’d be honored to assist.
About the Author
Tina “Kat” Courtney, The AfterLife Coach, is a traditionally trained Ayahuasquera + Huachumera and a vocal advocate for all sacred Plant Medicines. Kat is the CEO and co-founder of Plant Medicine People, and she works as a coach, ceremony guide, and mentor to people navigating their shadows via altered states of consciousness. She is the author of Plant Medicine Mystery School Vol 1: The Superhero Healing Powers of Psychotropic Plants, as well as a certified Death Doula. She loves the darkness, the Sacred Medicines, and she believes everyone has the right to work with nature for healing and awakening.
